How acceptance can make you more calm and resilient in life
There are two ways of getting past the vagaries of life – by fighting them and being miserable or by acknowledging and attending to them with a positive mindset. It’s hard and some of you might be thinking preaching is certainly easier than practice – and indeed practice is key to build this crucial muscle. But before we head to the “How to” of it, let’s understand why learning to embrace the immovables of our life is important and what it takes to get there.
When you think about it, the very first day of our lives and subsequently a significant portion of it continues to be made up of constants that are not ours to change. We don’t get to choose our parents, our genetic predispositions, the nature of our boss 🙂 or even the weather on a particular day. So then what makes us deal with some better than the other ?
An interesting equation defines the level of suffering resulting from pain in the following manner
Suffering = Pain * Resistance (to pain)
Given that the source of pain remains same or unchanging (people who have difficult bosses will feel this with all their heart ;-)), it’s the resistance or the lack of it that will influence the level of suffering resulting from it. When we resist, fret, whine or pushback we are making all efforts to keep the specific trigger in forefront of our conscience and life, thereby magnifying the suffering it creates. Acceptance may not eliminate the problem altogether but it can help you let go, calm your soul and prime you to remain more focused and less affected in the face of a storm.
But just because you accept something doesn’t mean you are surrendering to it, or letting it become a permanent part of your life. It simply means that you are allowing it to happen in the present moment without getting impacted by it. For e.g. when your colleague and you have conflicting views on multiple issues, accepting the difference in opinion and moving on does not mean that you are letting go of your own point of view. However, acknowledging and accepting this divergence will allow you to continue to maintain a healthy mindset and stop your working relationship from being reduced to a factor of your differences.
This can happen only when we learn to experience our thoughts, emotions and feeling as is, without adding to them, having an opinion about them or reacting to them. The very fact that we are endeavouring towards becoming aware of even the negative thoughts can be counterintuitive to those who feel that if you cannot change your feelings towards a situation it’s better to avoid them altogether. However, suppressing or distracting ourselves from those negative feelings doesn’t, in fact, help us move through them. Research suggests suppressing our negative emotions can actually make them stronger.
Mindfulness is a time tested technique with which we can train our minds to notice our experiences (comprising of thoughts, feelings and emotions), acknowledge and accept them and bring our attention back to the present moment. It teaches us to focus our attention towards reducing your resistance to pain rather than fixating on the pain itself. When we are able to remain fully present in this moment without judging it - we are being mindful. Acceptance is the foundation of Mindfulness and it means accepting your present or now. If you start focusing on what is working for you, to be thankful for what is the good in your life then the chances are you’ll be less distracted by what’s lacking. Journaling the reasons to be grateful, your learnings and small wins daily can be a excellent way to create a treasure of positive experiences for making the present more valuable.
When we are not comfortable in the present moment, we tend to fill it with distractions from the past or future. Mindfulness encapsulates within itself facets such as acceptance, awareness, non-judgement and compassion to make our lives more enriching.
Get in touch to learn more about practicing Mindfulness to experience greater calm and well-being in your life.